Sunday, May 9, 2010

I hate myself for feeling this way

I know there is no particular reason for me to feel insecure in anyway, but I think it is just me, or it is just something that every human being does? I am feeling shitty insecure now and I f***king hate myself for feeling this way!!!! Why do I feel this all the time? Just citing some examples:

- At work – I am good at what I am doing (well, not the best yet, but I am I am doing fine). But I still always feel like I am under-performing. Don’t know the reason, but I just feel that way.
- And ultimately, at relationship – I have only had 1 serious relationship and am starting a new one recently. So far, and all I can say is that both these men adores me and love me very much – thank god. I am really grateful for it, but every time I wonder why do they love me so much? What makes you think that you deserve their love? Do you know that this is not going to work out? All this rubbish thoughts for no particular reasons!

My new bf has been very reassuring and supportive in making things work and I am very very thankful for it, but I kept feeling super duper insecure about his ex!
I know there is nothing to worry about, but the truth is that this is freaking bothering me and I do not know how to spill it out coz it will just make me look like some insecure and jealousy girlfriend, whom I do not wish to be. I kept thinking that he is not completely honest with me at something with regards to his ex.
This needs to stop at this very instant! Please tell me what I should do, because I hate myself for feeling this way. Do not get me wrong, I trust him, is just that I think he hasn’t been very honest with me with regards to his past and his ex.