Thursday, June 9, 2011

Not all new things are good

I use to be so decisive. I use to just trust myself and believe that I can go far. I used to have so much confident that people hate me for that.

But these are all in the past now. For some reasons, I am doubting if I am able to move forward, to try different challenge, and most importantly, is to be damm good at it.

I am in a comfort zone, so comfortable that I do not wanna step out of it.

I need to do something about this, I need to get the old me back. I need that person.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Dreams - not coming true

I believe everyone has a view of their desire future. You know, career, get married, have kids, be happy and yadah yadah yadah.

I have mine as well of course. But I think I have to postpone my plan.

With no expectations come no disappointment

We all know what that means, but how many people can actually act on it? Life without expectations would be such a bla! There are constanly things that we look forward to happened, gifts that we wish someone would miraculously buy for us and yadah yadah yadah. But how many things does all this wishing thinking comes true? Lucky you if yours work, but for me, none of all these are working so far.

I am so disappointed today. I got let down, again! Again and again! I am so disappointed that I am actually out of words. I really do not know what to say from the incident. Yet again, I got let down. It's a mix feeling you know, it's like I am use to it to a certain extend, but I refuse to tell myself that this is the norm. Yes, I am in denial. But so far, it has only led me to believed that this will be the way, and I have to get use to it!

I really do not know what to say and do anymore? Should I just suck it up and pretend that it is all good, and expect that it will not happen the next time? Or should I just explode and expect the worst?

Monday, August 16, 2010

Everybody's Fine

Since I have so much free time in the evening now that my bf is back in his homeland, guess I will be watching loads and loads of movie and probably finish up season 2 of Gossip Girls.

I watched Everybody's Fine last night. I have to have that it's a really touching movie. I love 'normal' movies because I can relate to you. It is real. Not to say I dislike sci-fi or horror or investigation, but 'normal' family movie does have a different touch on human's heart.

The story is about a father who just lost his wife, and has 4 chilren. They are all working in other part of The States. The paint a perfect picture for the father that they are having a great life with a great job out there. It started with the children bailing out from a family gathering and the father decided to give all of them a surprise visit. Then all the truth about their lives unveil in front of him.

He was a father that gave a lot of pressure on their children to be successful, hence at the same time, the children choose not to reveal the truth to him in order to not disappoint him. ALl in all, the father realize that it doesn't matter the success of their children, as long as the can sit together at a table, and be happy just the way they are.

This is definitely a movie a lot of children and family that relate to: pressure from family, lonely father, guilty children.

An all star cast by Robert De Niro, Drew Barrymore, Kate Beckinsale and Sam Rockwell.

Just one piece of advice, remember to prepare your tissue supply in advance.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

About housemate

Something happened last night.

I went home after a couple of drinks with my friends, to find out that one of my roommates has someone in the house – without telling us (me and another roommate) – AGAIN!
The best part was…she was smoking pot in her room! And the whole house stinks!
To give you all some history, we made certain house rules crystal clear to her when she moved in:
1)Not allow to bring random friends back to the house. Not that we are being
difficult, but this is for safety reason. Imagine if she brings a random guy
back to the house, and she didn’t know who this person is actually, I mean he
can be a robber right? He can empty the house the next morning right?! Not that
we are being paranoid, but things like these do happen ok!

2)No smoking in the house. This is a house rule from the owner. What else can
we say, the boss says so, and we follow.

3)If you have to bring someone home, make sure you keep the others informed.
Simple, just text and say like “I am coming home with a guy tonight”. Just like
that. How difficult is that?

So imagine how furious I was last night when I went home, to see a pair of guy sneakers lying on the floor and the whole house smells!

I made enough noise to make sure she comes out of her room, and…

Me: Are you smoking in the room?

Her: Ya, my friend is smoking in the room.

Me: But you do know you are not supposed to smoke in the house right?

Her: Ya I know, I am sorry about it.

Me: So why do you do it again? And what exactly are you guys smoking in
there? It obviously doesn’t smell like cigarettes. Seriously Amanda, we told
me this before and you know about it but you are still doing it. And who is
your friend in the room? Can you tell him not to smoke in the room? If you
have a problem telling your friends off, do you need to do that. (Me walking
towards her room).

Her: I will tell him, I am so sorry about it.

Me: Can you tell him to leave the house now? And what are you smoking in
there! The entire house stinks!

Her: Ya, I will get him to leave now….it’s only cigarettes. Really, it is
not pot.

Me: Get him to leave the house now! Immediately! And Amanda, you know the
rules, so why do you keep abusing it? How many times do we have to tell you
(Me walking into the room and slammed the door).

First of all, she was quite shock that I sounded her, because I have always been nice to her. I mean if there is no reason for me to sound her, I wouldn’t do so. But I have to say that she has been stepping onto my nerves lately. Always bringing guys home, never inform. My another house mate (let’s call her KT), is too nice to tell her off even though she is the one that always witness situation like she is brushing her teeth in the bathroom with some guy, cooking in the kitchen with some guy and etc etc. She is too nice to tell her off. So unlucky her, I was there last night, and of course she deserves that from me right?!

Then, I called KT immediately and told her about it. And we were discussing whether to give her a last chance or to kick her out! No conclusion. We decided to speak tomorrow.

Next morning, I got a call from KT. She briefly told me that Amanda talked to her about last night, and that she was sorry and that she wasn’t smoking pot in the room.

That is it!!
She is such a liar!!! Because:

1) When I first interviewed her, she said she doesn’t smoke and she hates how her hair smells of smoke after she get home from a club.
2) Then, we went clubbing. She took a packet of cigarettes from her bag, and
lit one between her fingers. So I asked: “Hey, I thought you don’t
smoke”. “Nah, I don’t smoke”.
3) Once, I can smell smoke from her room, so I told KT about it. When KT told
her, she said: “no no, I don’t smoke, it’s incense that I burn in the room”.

So yeah, she doesn’t smoke! Big fat liar!

Does she really think that my telling me that she doesn’t smoke means that she doesn’t? Does she thinks that she said she is not smoking pot means that I will believe her? Oh come on! I am not 5 ok! I know my judgment and I know how cigarettes smells like ok! Does she thinks that I am such an idiot and that I will believe her?!

The fact that she is lying to me AGAIN makes me feel like she thinks that I am an idiot! I caught her red handed and there she was lying about it! Come on! I am not stupid!

So yeah! I have made up my mind. I wanna kick her ass out of the apartment!
I have called for an emergency meeting tomorrow morning with her and KT and I will say I want her out of the house! By this weekend! She has 3 days to move out!

I know this seems like I am such a cold blooded person for kicking her out with such a short notice. But since she has so many friends around in SH that she can keep bringing people back home, she can hell move in with them!! Not my business! (She lied again by saying that she doesn't have much friends in SH when I first saw her)

Seriously, I have enough. She has cross the limit way too far this time! Big fat lying bitch!

God, I am so angry with her that my mind is all about kicking her out!! Idiot bitch! Get out of my mind now, you don’t deserve any space in there!

Fat ass lying bitch!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I hate myself for feeling this way

I know there is no particular reason for me to feel insecure in anyway, but I think it is just me, or it is just something that every human being does? I am feeling shitty insecure now and I f***king hate myself for feeling this way!!!! Why do I feel this all the time? Just citing some examples:

- At work – I am good at what I am doing (well, not the best yet, but I am I am doing fine). But I still always feel like I am under-performing. Don’t know the reason, but I just feel that way.
- And ultimately, at relationship – I have only had 1 serious relationship and am starting a new one recently. So far, and all I can say is that both these men adores me and love me very much – thank god. I am really grateful for it, but every time I wonder why do they love me so much? What makes you think that you deserve their love? Do you know that this is not going to work out? All this rubbish thoughts for no particular reasons!

My new bf has been very reassuring and supportive in making things work and I am very very thankful for it, but I kept feeling super duper insecure about his ex!
I know there is nothing to worry about, but the truth is that this is freaking bothering me and I do not know how to spill it out coz it will just make me look like some insecure and jealousy girlfriend, whom I do not wish to be. I kept thinking that he is not completely honest with me at something with regards to his ex.
This needs to stop at this very instant! Please tell me what I should do, because I hate myself for feeling this way. Do not get me wrong, I trust him, is just that I think he hasn’t been very honest with me with regards to his past and his ex.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Boring routine

It’s almost 2 months since I get to Shanghai. Many people had been asking, “So how are you in Shanghai?” “Got party arr?” etc etc.
Actually, this is pretty much my routine every day.

8am Wake up, go to work.
7.30pm Off work (hehe, yes peeps, I usually finish work at 7.30pm. Very very seldom have
to work late, don’t jealous. )
9pm Will be watching TV with a packet of snacks. Mostly ordered in my dinner.
10.30pm Waiting to talk to my fatty. (Is either he calls me or I call him la).
11.30pm Lights off. Sleeping time. (See how I get 8 hours of beauty sleep daily)

Freaking boring right? Yeah, that’s usually my weekday.

11am Can sleep till anytime I want cause I will spend most of the day at home. Why not
sleep sleep sleep.
12pm Order-in-lunch. In shanghai, you can order delivery pretty much from any
restaurant. Since I am a lazy bum, so this order in business is something that I like
about this place.
3pm Sleepy after watching TVand surfing the net. Will be falling asleep at the couch.
7pm Dinner time. Haha, order in again!
11pm Sleep sleep sleeping time.

Ok, you might think that “What, you sleep through your whole weekend not doing anything at all?!” Ok, not really all weekends la, there are some weekends where I will spend some time doing cleaning, do some grocery shopping, also will be calling my mom and dad and aunt and sis just to catch up, and also calling and sms-ing my fatty love the whole day! Hahahahah, just love bugging him!

But from last week onwards, I will have to come into the office every Sunday for a 3 months training. I don't quite mind it since I have nothing to do anyway, but come to think of it, there are taking away my precious lazy-around-doing-nothing time.

So yeah, this is what I have accomplished so far in Shanghai! So for you who want to visit and hope that I can bring you around, I advise that you do your own research.

Anyway, this Friday I am going out for dinner and drinking! It’s Jessie’s birthday and she wants to get drunk, so “Shanghai here we come!” We will also go shopping on Saturday!

Finally, something to look forward to. (After Jo's last visit)